I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.”

What do you call two jalapeños getting it on? Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? How is sex like a game of bridge? The taste. Zizi. Men have an antenna. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? 23 of Outnumbered’s funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) Knock knock! 115. 2.

Don’t make me come in there! Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? How do you get Dick from Richard? Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?” You can sleep with a light on. A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Beause they’re used to eating nuts. A: Her navel.

Q: What is Dracula’s favorite restaurant? One’s a Goodyear. Xavier. 24. 100. Q: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? What do a woman and a bar have in common? Q: What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes? 15. How do you breathe through that tiny thing? Zizi who? Who’s there? 82. Q: What do bread and autistic kids have in common? Madame. Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs? Sex on TV can’t hurt… unless you fall off. Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common? What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives … Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex? 146. 151. The guy goes, ‘So you can put it up yourself?’ I said, ‘No, I was thinking the living room.” – Gary Delaney, “I lost my virginity under a bridge. What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Q: What do you call an Afghan virgin What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them. 76. Who’s there? A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up. Phil!

What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" A: Every night he turns into a bat. Who’s there?

A: His fang club. What does a perverted frog say? 97. Doctor: “Because I’m trying to examine you.”, Bartender: “What’s the matter buddy?” 46! 155.

65. A submarine. 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A: It’s sweeping the nation!

A: An Investigator, 144. What’s long and hard and full of semen? A: Ton. Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids by Crystal Ro. What did the elephant say to the naked man? Little old lady who? 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians Fucking hot! 1.

Knock knock! 84. The husband entered the shower, when his wife had just finished washing herself and left the bathroom. A: They both suck for four quarters. A: A four chin teller.

Why is there no jam? Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran infront of the bus?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob. A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry. Knock knock! A liquor cabinet. Micheal Jackson. I thought each of the words for ‘sex’ meant something distinct. No thanks… I’m not into that. Who’s there? 42.

60. “Give it to me!

Luckily my boss suggested we just wipe the slate clean. Your girlfriend makes it hard.

Ken came in another box. Q: What do you call a ninety-year-old man who can still masturbate?

Dwayne the bathtub, I’m drowning! Wikimedia: Jack Kightlinger / Creative Commons CC-PD-Mark / Via, Want to be featured in more posts like this? 27. A: A guy with very high blood pressure…, 123.

Why are Penises the lightest things in the world? Why doesn’t Santa Claus have any children? 159. 64. Ideas for the top 101 dirty jokes were taken from the following sources.1)Thought Catalog – 50 Dirty Joke That Are (Never Appropriate But) Always Funny jQuery("#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_1").tooltip({ tip: "#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_1", tipClass: "footnote_tooltip", effect: "fade", predelay: 800, fadeInSpeed: 200, fadeOutSpeed: 2000, position: "top right", relative: true, offset: [10, 10] }); 2)Quick, Funny Jokes – Dirty Joke jQuery("#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_2").tooltip({ tip: "#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_2", tipClass: "footnote_tooltip", effect: "fade", predelay: 800, fadeInSpeed: 200, fadeOutSpeed: 2000, position: "top right", relative: true, offset: [10, 10] }); 3)Buzzfeed -17 Dirty Joke That Are So Filthy You’ll Need A Shower jQuery("#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_3").tooltip({ tip: "#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_3", tipClass: "footnote_tooltip", effect: "fade", predelay: 800, fadeInSpeed: 200, fadeOutSpeed: 2000, position: "top right", relative: true, offset: [10, 10] }); 4)One Line Fun – Dirty one liners jQuery("#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_4").tooltip({ tip: "#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_4", tipClass: "footnote_tooltip", effect: "fade", predelay: 800, fadeInSpeed: 200, fadeOutSpeed: 2000, position: "top right", relative: true, offset: [10, 10] }); 5)Kickass Humor – Best Dirty Joke This Year jQuery("#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_5").tooltip({ tip: "#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_5", tipClass: "footnote_tooltip", effect: "fade", predelay: 800, fadeInSpeed: 200, fadeOutSpeed: 2000, position: "top right", relative: true, offset: [10, 10] }); Thought Catalog – 50 Dirty Joke That Are (Never Appropriate But) Always Funny, Buzzfeed -17 Dirty Joke That Are So Filthy You’ll Need A Shower, Kickass Humor – Best Dirty Joke This Year, Thought Catalog - 50 Dirty Joke That Are (Never Appropriate But) Always Funny, Buzzfeed -17 Dirty Joke That Are So Filthy You'll Need A Shower, Kickass Humor - Best Dirty Joke This Year, Prev: Top 10 Most Successful K-Pop Groups and Artists.

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